When to Break Up With Someone

Published online at the Southern News 3/29/2015

Love can be good for a while, especially at the beginning. When relationships begin, it’s easy to think that there will be nothing but fair weather and cloudless skies for as far as the eye can see. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, however, that can change things. Soon, things that were once found cute about that person soon become annoying. The question is, when is time to throw in the towel for a relationship?
For starters, if this relationship is abusive or unhealthy, then it’s not good to stay with them. This can be as simple as a constant insult about appearance or as drastic as being punched in the face. If this sounds familiar then run as fast as possible. No one deserves abuse-plain and simple.
According to the Domestic Abuse Shelter, one in three women will be abused in their lifetime. However, women aren’t the only victims. Studies show that 48% of men are abused, physically or mentally, by their partners.
All relationship go through ups and downs, but if it’s more down than there’s a problem. It’s the constant feeling of a rut or because it’s a continuous argument, and the feeling of being unhappy is consistent. If this is the case, then maybe take a break to figure out why the constant fight. If things have been a constant struggle of trying to work things out, then maybe its better to let that person go.
I’m not saying that if a relationship has reached a rough patch than it should be thrown out faster than last season’s boots; I am saying that if the relationship has reached a point where both parties are unhappy with the way things are going where it reaches the point that there is more bad than good things about it. Every couple has fights and spats, but the key thing is that if there’s no desire for improvement then it might be time to move on.
It’s my belief that many often settle into relationships for the sole purpose of them believing that there’s no one else out there. The fear of being alone then comes with someone holding onto dear life to a relationship that may or may not be good for that person. This leads to suffocating the person, for starters. In addition to that, it leads to someone being too blind to recognize the signs of the relationship heading south.
I’ve had a friend who was in a toxic relationship. The person was constantly undermining her values and really didn’t care much about her emotions She was constantly upset and crying at the hands of her significant other. Even though she knew that this was a problem, she stayed in the relationship for the fear of being alone. This isn’t healthy. Although the grass can not always stay green when having a partner, if it is causing more pain than happiness than that’s a huge problem.
For those who are contemplating staying or leaving, let me leave you with a contemplating thought. Ask yourself if you’re gaining respect for your partner, and yourself. Are you truly happy? When telling your partner about how you feel, what is their response? At the end of the day, you deserve respect, love and happiness. That’s what relationships should be composed of, and if you’re not getting maybe it’s time to leave.

Workload: When is It Too Much?

Originally published in the Southern News on 2/1/2015

Five classes, two jobs and zero free time. No, you’re not suddenly finding yourself back in math class, but rather that’s my life story in 140 characters or less.

However, I am not the one whose working multiple jobs as well as being a full time student. Many of my fellow classmates work either full time, or have multiple part time jobs as well as being a full time student. Some of them are also in Greek life, which as you can imagine has a lot of commitments as well.

Needless to say, many students have a lot going on in their lives. And of course, there’s this little thing called a life.
Sleep, what is that again?

This generation could be also known as “generation busy”. What does this mean? Well, we have to put multiple things on our plates that push us to the limit and when we’re not busy we feel terrible about ourselves. Therefore, the feeling of guilt when you finally take a moment for yourself occurs. This is also the motivation why we must push ourselves to the ultimate limit.

But, how much is too much?
I think that it’s when you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed about your schedule and you begin to feel suffocated by your schedule. You don’t know when you’re going to have time to do anything, such as your homework. You feel like you’re going to burst out crying at any moment, and you feel like it is finals season all semester long.
Sound familiar?

If you’re feeling stressed, the first thing that you can do is to find a few minutes to set aside for you time. During this time, you can make time for things that you enjoy, such as reading a book for pleasure (such as “Fifty Shades of Grey”-the movie is coming out in a few weeks), catching up on your favorite television show or doing a craft. You can even use this time to go to bed early, because let’s face it; some extra sleep can never hurt.

A friend recently told me ‘It’s important to take 20 minutes to do yoga everyday. If you don’t have time for that, take an hour out for tea.’ At first, I didn’t understand what he was saying, but basically it means that it’s important to take time out for you, and for those who don’t have time should take even more time for themselves.

You must be arguing with me saying all of your commitments. It’s important to go to class, because that will take you to where you are in the future. It’s important to work, because we all need money. However, if you’re starting to feel completely overwhelmed, then evaluate your life and commitments. Can you afford to drop a class this semester, if your course schedule is overwhelming you? Or, where can you fit a few minutes to do something that makes you happy, such as a craft or to read a book?

If you’re truly feeling anxious about your schedule, then talk to a trusted adult or friend about it. Maybe they can give you advice as to what you can do about your packed schedule. It’s okay to be busy, but the line is crossed as soon as you feel anxious about your schedule.

The bottom line is that you really don’t have to run yourself thin. You’re only in college once, and let’s face it; you don’t want to spend it stressed out. Take some time away from classes to breathe, treat yourself to a movie night or just to chill out with your dog. Your mental health depends on it.

Luther House Welcomes All College Students

Orginally Published by Southern News on 9/3/2014

One of the hardest parts about going to college is leaving your home community behind, and having to start over in a new place. Once you have left your old home for a new one, whether it’s going five minutes away or five hours away, you are bound to crave that sense of community in your new environment. In the New Haven area, Luther House strives to be that for college students.

Luther House is located at 27 High Street, just down the road from the Yale British Art Museum, and a few blocks away from the New Haven Green. 

“[Luther House] is very interactive and open. We get a variety of undergrad and grad students in addition to members of the community,” said Pastor Kari Henkelmann Keyl, who is the pastor at Luther House. 

Recently, I had the privilege of meeting Pastor Keyl at Luther House to talk about her job. Pastor Keyl has been an ordained Lutheran minister since 1990, and is a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, also known as the ELCA. As I was talking to Keyl about her job, I could tell she was extremely passionate about her work at Luther House. Her personality is warm and welcoming. Keyl invites people who are interested in talking about faith or life in general to give her a call or text, and check out the Luther House website orFacebook page.

Luther House is focused on making a difference in the community through social justice work. Community events give students a chance to use their skills to help others. Luther House welcomes people to make connections, come for prayer, and ask big questions.

Three events are held weekly during the academic year. The first is held on Sundays at 5:00 pm: People gather for worship, where there is prayer and discussion of issues pertinent to the community. After the service, there is a free meal home made by local congregations. On Mondays at six, a dinner is held, followed by Bible Study.

 “Mondays are more student led,” said Keyl. The topics discussed are picked out by the students. Both worship and Bible study are held at Luther House.

Finally, Luther House’s Taizé Prayer and Song takes place on Tuesdays at 9:15 pm, at the Dwight Chapel on Yale’s Old Campus. Taizé prayer was originally developed by a community of monks in Taizé, France.  People pray in a small group and sing simple songs that can be learned easily, without instrumental accompaniment. Religious affiliation is not required to be a part of the Luther House community. 

“[You] just have to be someone who’s asking questions and wants to be with others,” Keyl said. “Everyone is welcome.”

In addition to prayer, there’s also a chance to volunteer. It takes place on Thursdays at 6 pm. Students can come help underprivileged youth in New Haven with their homework. It’s a great opportunity to do good in the community, reaching out and helping others.

While I was touring Luther House, I could tell that it was an open and inviting environment, similar to the personality of its pastor. Pastor Kari has been working at Luther House for three years. She wears many hats at Luther House.  For instance, in addition to being a pastor, she also tends to the Community Garden at Luther House, which grows fruits and vegetables, and then donates them to people in need. In addition to being active at Luther House, she is active on the Yale campus. 

“I really like the opportunity to engage with students,” she said. “I look for ways to connect with what you’re learning at school to real life.”

Luther House is a place for everyone. You don’t have to be a student at Yale, or even religious. It’s a place where people can go to make connections, a welcoming community, and even just a home away from home for those near and far.